Different Strokes for Different Folks.

The need to receive compliments has a lot to do with our personality.  When I coach people in the GPS curriculum, which helps people discover the next steps for their life, one of the first things they learn is what type of personality they have been given.  If you are familiar with the DISC personality profile, you know there are four distinct personality types.  “D” dominance, “I” influence, “S” steadiness and “C” contentiousness.  If someone is a “D” or “C” personality, they appreciate but do not need compliments.  They do well with or without them.  On the other hand, “I” and “S” personality types need compliments to feel good about themselves.  In their case it is also important to differentiate between the two personalities. This is important because an “I” who demonstrates enthusiasm, and is energetic and full of life likes to be complimented publicly.  On the other hand an “S” who is warm, relational, a team player, and hesitant to lead needs compliments, but prefers to receive them privately.
 

Aren’t You Going to Say Something Nice About Me?
 
A business associate used to humorously illustrate this point.  He would approach a coworker and pay them a sincere compliment and then would pause and not say anything for a moment.  Then he would look them in the eye and say, “Now aren’t you going to say something nice about me?”  Through his antics he made the point that we love to be complimented but most of us don’t return the favor.

The phrase “You look simply marvelous” was coined by comedian Billy Crystal who created the Saturday Night Live character named Fernando.  Fernando’s skewed philosophy of life was, “It’s better to look good than to feel good.”  Although misguided, Fernando knew the power of paying someone a compliment.

Do you find compliments to be plentiful or rare in your life?  Do you pay them?  Do you receive them?  Author, Roberto Rocha says, “Paying compliments has never been more strategically important than it is today.  Not because people expect them, but precisely because they don’t.  While everyone is wrapped up in their own performance, people hardly take the time to recognize others.”