Something Really Unexpected

I recently had a wonderful experience with the power of a handwritten note.  Late last year I had to have eye surgery.  While in many ways it was routine, I was a bit freaked out as it was “eye” surgery.  I took great pains to select a competent surgeon.  I primarily used internet resources to gain a sense of his competence.  Well, the day came, and thankfully everything went well.  Now my vision is significantly improved.

Several weeks later a small envelope appeared in our mailbox with the surgeons return address on it.  I assumed it was the bill, but when I opened it my jaw dropped.  It was a handwritten note thanking me for choosing him as my doctor.  I was dumbfounded.  If your experience with medicine has been anything like mine, communication from a doctor or hospital is usually “you still owe us money.” (That came later.) Not once, in more then 50 years, have I received a personal note from a doctor.  His handwritten note had a huge impact.  Now, even more, I will recommend him to anyone I know who has an eye issue.
 

Success and Failure are Inseparable 

C.S Lewis wrote that, “Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”  A fingerpost is a post bearing one or more signs, often terminating in a pointing finger.  Our failures are finger posts.  They provide needed direction and increase our understanding or knowledge.  So failure really is a guide and a gateway to success. 

As you move forwarding in pursuit of your prize, keep these five realities in mind:

1. Failure increases empathy
2. It is not about other people, you own it
3. Heat assures the outcome
4. Prepare for the recoil 
5. Success and failure are inseparable

Always Fail-Forward

I have never fired a gun but I have observed that for a first-timer the biggest thing they experience is the recoil from the blast. Frankly, it can be painful if they don’t hold the weapon properly. Failure has its own recoil experience. Shock and fear are the most common expressions. We feel shock because we didn’t anticipate that we would fail and fear because pain makes us want to avoid that feeling in the future.  Benjamin Franklin’s advice, “Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.”  When we fail we must not recoil, but instead fail-forward.

The Heat of Failure Assures the Outcome

My sister-in-law is a sculptor. She can take a piece of clay and fashion it into a dynamic object. She first shapes the clay into the object she envisions and then puts it in a 2400 degree oven to strengthen her creation. Failing in life has similar properties.

When we fail we need to take the heat and ask ourselves hard questions so we can improve the next time we set out. Three questions I ask of myself are:

• Did I really give all the effort I could have?
• Did I seek the advice of experts?
• Did I disregard a nagging caution?

In the words of Bill Gates, “Its fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”

Failure Increases Empathy 

Failure has been called “The Great Teacher.”  One of the greatest benefits of failure is that it teaches us empathy.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, when he was imprisoned by the Nazi’s wrote, “We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”  Failure gives us more empathy for others who have experienced similar setbacks.   In the form of an equation it would look like this: Humility + Compassion = Empathy.

Have you noticed that most people are not naturally humble and compassionate?  These qualities either have to be modeled to us as we grow up or else we learn them the hard way.

When I was younger I was neither humble nor compassionate.  In those early days my co-workers had two nicknames for me, “steamroller” and “gundalateral.”  I was “steamroller” because I could get things done fast but failed to take into consideration the people who were unfortunate enough to be in my path.  I was “gundalateral” because I thought I knew what was best and didn’t seek the opinion of others.  It was one of my first bosses that gave me that name.  It was later that I learned the hard way, through a series of failures, to be empathetic.