Won’t you join me in demonstrating virtue?

So here is a recommended set of virtues that I believe ought to govern our behavior in the marketplace and every place:

1. Patience
2. Kindness
3. Celebration
4. Moderation
5. Manners
6. Give, Give, Give
7. Peace
8. Let go
9. Truth
10. Perseverance
11. Positivity
12. Hopeful
13. Consistent

Let’s make our sliver of creation a little better for those we interact with.  Won’t you join me in demonstrating virtue?  Be a force for good in the marketplace and every place so we make the world a better place?

# 13 Consistent

Consistent

Are you known as someone who is consistent?  Do you hang-in-there and endure with associates who are going through hardship?  Are you a friend in both the good and the bad times?  Do people know they can count on you?

Like me, I suspect you deeply value people who demonstrate consistency.  Let’s be a known quantity with others and someone they can count on.  This will have a profound impact on our productivity and our relationships.

# 12 Hopeful

Hopeful

Hopeful is positivity’s next door neighbor.  Hopeful says:

• It is going to be a good day. 
• Things are going to go well at today’s board meeting.
• I will have the wisdom to know how to act if something goes wrong.
• That what may break can be fixed.
• Even though I didn’t sleep well I will have the energy I need for the day.

Hope looks forward to a good outcome, hopefully.

# 11 Positivity

Positivity

My father used to have a picture of a Basset Hound (the saddest looking dog in the world) hanging in his office with the caption “Act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic.”  I’ve written before that Dad was the consummate positive thinker and I have benefited greatly from his example.

Acting positively isn’t a game or a trick.  It really works.  While I am not suggesting that you discount reality, I am suggesting that when we approach life with a positive attitude things generally work out better.  Be a “glass is half full” kind or person and be a positive force to those around you. 

# 10 Perseverance

Perseverance

What are your core principles?  One of mine is to never give up.  I am grateful that perseverance is somehow resident deep in my soul.  Winston Churchill had it too.  Remember the famous line in his speech where he said “never, never, never give up”?

When we, like Churchill, are experiencing overwhelming attack or bad odds we must keep our face square into the wind and press on.  Showing persistence will also encourage those who look to us.  Seeing our example, they are likely to mimic our perseverance and display this character quality to those they interact with.  

# 9 Truth

Truth

I remember the first time I experienced injustice.  It was when the grumpy old man at the end of my boyhood street accused me of throwing a rock at his house.  It seems that a few of the neighbor kids has committed the heinous act and conspired to blame it on me.  When he accused me I felt indignation such as I had never experienced.  I had received injustice!

Superman was known for his mantra “truth, justice and the American way.”  Let’s be “super people” and known as a lovers of truth and justice and let’s demonstrate that to those near us.  We also should be known as people who give others the benefit of the doubt because sometimes we don’t know or can’t get all the facts. 

# 8 Let go

Let go

Think about the most unpleasant relationship you have ever had.  Maybe it was a coworker, former spouse, or a rebellious child.  Did you ever catch yourself keeping a mental count of all the times they had hurt or disappointed you?  I have found that there is great virtue in not counting but instead letting go.

Think about it.  What besides an ulcer do you gain from keeping track of all that bad stuff?  Maybe a migraine headache?  Most bad things others do to us, from something stupid to something deliberate and calculated, are best handled when we let go. 

# 7 Peace

Peace

Rudy Giuliani in his book “Leadership” describes how he had to stay calm in the face of fear on September 11, 2001.  Because others were watching him and gauging their emotions on what they saw in him, his projecting peace was critical to thousands of other New Yorkers. 

While we may not have as large an audience, our visible irritability does affect those in our corner of the marketplace and every place.  Every day we face numerous opportunities to loose our peace.  When we do, for the sake of others, it is critical that we adopt a poker face and avoid dumping our problem on others like a cooler filled with Gatorade.  There really is peace in learning to control our emotions, dealing with what we can deal with and forgetting the rest. 

# 6 Give, Give, Give

Give, Give, Give

Someone with a demanding personality can be very difficult to work or live with.  While there are varying degrees, my experience has been that people tend to fall into two groups; givers and takers.  I hope you are or will become a giver.  Givers invest in their associates, they ask “how may I help” and leave you with more then you had before when they depart your presence.  Givers truly care about the condition and welfare of others.  Givers are always welcome in our worlds so give, give, give.

# 5 Manners

Manners

Some people need a rude awakening from rudeness.  We all have the tendency to slack off in the way we conduct ourselves with people especially those we have known for a long time.  Here’s a prime example.  Remember when you were first dating someone and you would hold the door or perhaps open the car door for them.  Then as time passed you started to slack off to where you were no longer being courteous.  If we are to show honor to those in our life then we need to practice socially acceptable behavior and use our manners at all times.  Doing so demonstrates that we value others and want to give them our best.

# 4 Moderation

Moderation

Have you ever had lunch with someone you want to get to know and they spend the whole meal talking about themselves and their accomplishments?  If you are like me you wanted to learn about their life but you wanted them to learn about yours too.  Boasting, bragging or monopolizing in conversation is a relationship killer. A good test as to whether there is moderation in your conversation is to look to see who has eaten the most food.  If your plate is much fuller then your guests then you are talking too much and asking too few questions.

# 3 Celebration

Celebration

When things are not going well, the last situation we want to be faced with is interacting with someone who is experiencing life’s great blessings.  Isn’t it interesting that when we are down we frequently face this scenario?  It is hard to celebrate someone else’s success when we feel unsuccessful.  When this is our reality we must reject the temptation to be jealous and simply act right.  We don’t want people to pull us down when we are flying high and we shouldn’t do it to them either.  Plus, the consequence of not celebrating with them can cause a loss of relationship.

# 2 Kindness

Kindness

Few of us are down right mean people but most of us fail to be kind at one time or another.  If you ever struggle with this, my advice is to simply act toward others the way you want to be treated.  The bumper sticker that reads “Practice Random Acts of Kindness” provides great advice.  Another remedy is to do something kind for someone who may least deserve it.  Performing such an act can be better than therapy.

It is such a great feeling to receive kindness. Our giving it back feels just as good to those we interact with. 

13 Virtues that will Improve Your Impact in the Marketplace and Everyplace

13 Virtues that will Improve Your Impact in the Marketplace and Everyplace

Patience

The other day I was late to an appointment and was waiting for a one-person-bathroom to come available.  I could hear the toilet paper roll dispensing, the toilet seat closing, the toilet flushing, the sink running and the hand towels dispensing.  But all of this was taking inordinately too long.  I was furious at the insensitivity of the person behind the bathroom door.  Well, furious until the door slowly opened and out shuffled a shriveled up old tinny handicapped woman apologizing profusely for taking so long.  I felt really small.   

Because “patience is a virtue,” I am facing my shortcomings and diligently practicing being patient.  If you suffer from this as well, all I can suggest is that you face your impatience, refresh your commitment to act with class, and redouble your effort to act patiently.  One practical suggestion: allow adequate time for what you need to do, because if you are pressed-for-time impatience is just around the corner.

How You Can Improve Your Impact in the Marketplace and Everyplace

How You Can Improve Your Impact in the Marketplace and Everyplace

If I asked you, “What do you value most in people?” What would your response be?  Perhaps you would respond with words like honesty or integrity or _________ (you can fill in the blank).  Then, if I asked you, “Why are those qualities important?” What would you say? Perhaps you would respond with something like “Life is more pleasant and more productive when you are dealing with this kind of person.” 

If you said something like that you would be right. The marketplace, home and social circles really do function best when we living out what Ben Franklin called “virtue.”  Franklin had a list of virtues that he wrote down and carried with him.  He referred to them at the Continental Congress, when negotiating a business deal, while working on an invention and even when flying kites in a thunder storms.  (Obviously one of his virtues was not “avoid lightening”.) 

Q. Why did he always carry a copy with him?

A. Because it was not his natural bent to be virtuous. 

Naturally, we are all self serving, selfish and prideful or what my wife calls “globe heads” (those who live life believing that they are the center of the universe - and that all things revolve around them.)  Whether you practice Franklin’s virtues, Gundlach’s virtues or write your own, the marketplace and everyplace will truly be a better place if we act with high merit.

What’s the Big Deal?

What’s the Big Deal?

Not apologizing, beyond lacking integrity, can cause you big problems and create strife within your organization.  The big deal is that if you don’t apologize you run the risk of loosing the relationship. Also, by not apologizing you run the risk of creating an enemy who will likely undercut you at every turn.  In addition, if you do not apologize correctly you run the risk of starting an argument and digging an even bigger hole for yourself.  So take the baby steps seriously…they are important.

While “Love means never having to say you are sorry” is a sorry concept, living does offer numerous opportunities for us to correct our blunders.  Oh, I just remembered, I did something to someone that I need to apologize for.   I’ve got to go.  How about you? 

Move on

15.  Move on 

Now it’s time to move forward.  Avoid the human tendency to play things over in your head again and again.  Don’t beat yourself up.  It’s over.  Now act like it. 
(To be continued.)

What can I do?

14.  What can I do?   

Here’s an old fashioned concept: Restitution.  Ask them what you can do to make it up to them.  If restitution is appropriate do more then they ask or expect.  Restitution will make your apology even more genuine. 
(To be continued.)

Give them room

13.  Give them room

What if they can’t accept your apology?  Accept them where they are and give them time.  Ask if perhaps you could get together at a later date.  Remember that even if you do your best you cannot control their response.
(To be continued.)

Ask forgiveness

12.  Ask forgiveness

This is powerful!  Akin with humility, lowering yourself to ask forgiveness proves our genuineness.  It is also powerful for the other person because if they can accept your apology and forgive you, then they are unconditionally releasing you.  The relationship will likely experience a large growth spurt and there will be no residual awkwardness. 
(To be continued.)

Is this a good time?

11.  Is this a good time?

Submit your request to speak to the one you have wronged.  Give them the right to schedule another time.  This conversation needs to be on their terms and within their comfort level. 
(To be continued.)

Rehearse it

10.  Rehearse it

Briefly rehearse what you want to say.  Writing it down can help order your thoughts and communicate clearly to the one you have harmed. 
(To be continued.)

No excuses

9.  No excuses

Remember the comic Flip Wilson and his famous line “The devil made me do it”.  Unfortunately, Flip was wrong.  The only thing we can truly control is ourselves.  When apologizing make no excuses.   
(To be continued.)

Own it

8.  Own it

By your demeanor, tone of voice and eye contact show the seriousness with which you regard what you did to the offended party.  If appropriate, extend your hand or perhaps touch their shoulder to further communicate that you understand the gravity of your failure.
(To be continued.)

Even if it is not all your fault

7.  Even if it is not all your fault

Sometimes multiple people are involved in creating a problem.  If this is the case, completely define and apologize for your part.  If others who report to you are involved, take full responsibility. 
(To be continued.)

Now is the time

6.  Now is the time

Act quickly.  Yes, be prepared but prepare fast.  Every minute that an offense rests with an individual it goes deeper and deeper.  If you take your time you will make restoration of the relationship more difficult.  If you wait too long it may become impossible to resolve. 
(To be continued.)

No “If I’s”

5.  No “If I’s”

In almost every major political scandal, where an apology is offered, it often goes like this: “If I caused my constituency any concern…”.  The “If I” makes the apology disingenuous.  You either believe you caused pain and concern or not.  So make up your mind and instead say “I know I did this to you and I am sorry.”
Tiger Woods recent apology for his screw-ups was well crafted and delivered perfectly with no “If I’s”.  Woods stated what he did, who he hurt, how it effected them and concluded by saying “I apologize.” 
(To be continued.)

Living out my purpose is like living a dream. Somebody pinch me!

I wanted you to know about some recent changes in my work life that have taken me the better part of a lifetime to arrive at.  I now spend my days helping people discover what they are passionate about and then help them engage in service to others.  This involvement fulfills them and benefits those who have needs.

I carry out this responsibility through several platforms.

My primary focus is as Executive Director of Grace Works Unlimited, Inc.  Grace Works exists to encourage communities in the care of their own.  You may be aware of its most visible project called “Be a Santa to a Senior” where last Christmas over 5000 of our disadvantaged seniors received needed gifts (blankets, socks and the like).  Also, through the coordination of Grace Works, “Senior Wishmakers” recently painted a home of a senior that was still in disrepair several years after it was damaged by Hurricane Charlie.

Our vision for Grace Works is to encourage service to all sectors of our community and to develop a model that can be duplicated in other regions.  In doing so, neighbors will be encouraged and given direction to identify needs and motivated to help their fellow neighbors.

The secondary platforms are both similar in that I lead and facilitate groups of people in discovering their passions and engaging in focused service.  The first curriculum, GPS helps people discover how they are uniquely designed and identify what kind of meaningful service they should engage in.

The second curriculum, “Roundtable” helps individuals, that have achieved high levels of success, learn how they can now involve themselves in work that is truly significant.  Both curricula are taught in discussion and study group formats of 8 to 10 participants each.   In both cases participants discover their distinctive purpose for the next stage of their life and receive coaching for carrying out their passion.

I invite you to join me as a volunteer for Grace Works or as a participant in a GPS or Roundtable group.  Whichever you choose, you will experience a new sense of significance in your life.  Like me, you can be fulfilled living a meaningful life; doing what you do best, for those who are waiting for your help.

Give it a name

4.  Give it a name 

How do you think what you did effected the other person?  You need to go into the conversation with an understanding of how they probably feel.  Be sure to also ask them to clarify their perspective in case you may have overlooked something.  By giving it a name you speak specifically and directly to the damage you caused them. 
(To be continued.)

Keep it isolated

3.  Keep it isolated

You are solely responsible for your actions.  No one makes you do anything. Do not deflect responsibility by implying others had a hand in the situation even if they did.  You must deal solely with what you did. 
(To be continued.)

It’s a sign of strength

2.  It’s a sign of strength

I remember a pastor telling me once that he never apologized because it was a sign of weakness.  How sad. Frankly, not being able to apologize is a sign of weakness and also insecurity.  A secure person can remain strong and still deal with their misdeeds. 
(To be continued.)

15 Baby Steps to a Successful Apology

15 Baby Steps to a Successful Apology

1.  Practice Humility

They do not teach humility in college.  I have yet to see a business seminar offered on the subject.  Looking at most children it is obviously not taught in many homes.  How could something so important in human relationships be so neglected?   The first step in crafting a successful apology is to swallow your pride, put off your embarrassment, cool your anger and recognize what a jerk you have been.  Once you assume that submissive and lowly position you can move forward with a right attitude.
(To be continued.)

Open mouth … insert foot.

Living Means Having to Say You are Sorry

Remember the movie, Love Story and the infamous line “Love means never having to say you’re sorry?”  Two years after that movie premiered, that dialogue was humorously repeated by Barbara Streisand, to its originator Ryan O’Neal in the comedy What’s Up, Doc.  Their conversation went like this:

O’Neal: “I’m sorry.”

Streisand: “But I thought love means never having to say that you are sorry?”

O’Neal: “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard!”

(To be continued.)

My experience is that living does mean having to say we are sorry.  Whether you open your mouth and insert your foot, stepped in it, blow it, blow up, are insensitive, say a dumb thing, make a careless mistake or are clueless; you need to apologize.   Fundamentally, an apology is needed when we bring damage, loss or offense to someone.  Whether their loss resembles hurt feelings or damage to something they own or are responsible for it is incumbent on you, as the offender, to lead and make it right.  The problem is that most people don’t do it enough in their professional and personal lives and often, when they do apologize, they do not do it the right way.

Dr. Gary Chapman, New York Times bestselling author of The Five Love Languages, in his resource The Five Languages of Apology in the Workplace has this to say: “Creating a positive emotional work environment enhances the productivity of employees.  Thus, a company that has the vision not only of apologizing to customers and clients but teaching employees how to apologize effectively to one another is the company that is most likely to succeed in accomplishing its financial objectives.”

How Can You Have More and Longer Lasting Relationships?

Join with me and let’s try to take better care with the people that are in our circle.  Whether it’s the coworker in the next office, the one’s who share our home, or the people we interact with in our community, let’s make it our mission to build lasting relationships.  We can if:

• We realize that relationships are fragile.
• We have realistic expectations.
• We apologize immediately.
• We avoid over familiarity.
• We value people.
• We invest our time and attention.
• We listen and feel.

When others are at their worst, we need to be at our best.  The reward will be very satisfying with more intact and lasting relationships.  By the way, there is some good news on the relationship front.  After years of separation the football team owner and the Head Coach mentioned at the beginning of this article are once again good friends who respect and admire each other.  There is hope!

I Feel Your Pain

Former President Bill Clinton was very effective with his “I feel your pain” word track during his bid for the presidency.  Many people were in economic distress at that time and they responded to his claim of empathy. 

Our first job with a hurting associate, friend or neighbor is not to solve their problem.  The job is instead to listen and feel.  But before we can show empathy we need to have enough intimacy to know what is going on in their lives.  Feeling someone’s pain means being in it with them.  The well known Bible verse on “love” states that real love “bears all things… (and) endures all things.”  Bearing and enduring are the heavy lifting of relationships.  Yes, it is hard work but it is well worth the effort. 

People in pain first and foremost need us to be a friend to them.  James Taylor penned the words to a song this way: “When you’re down and troubled - and you need a helping hand - and nothing, no nothing is going right - call my name and think of me - and soon I will be there to brighten up you’re your darkest hour.”  Cheesy? No, true.

(To be continued.)

Pay the Man

Another reason our relationships fail is that we fail to invest time and attention.  A relationship is like an investment.  When we put money into a stock we expect we will receive a dividend.  In relationships it is time and attention that are the funding source.  When we take time and pay attention the relationship grows and we receive a benefit.  If we do not invest there is no possibility of reaping a dividend.   

(To be continued.)

You’ve lost that Lovin' Feeling

When I was a little kid growing up in the 60’s all of the other neighborhood children were much older than me.  They were all playing rock and roll on their radios and record players.  One of my favorite songs of that era was by the Righteous Brothers entitled “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.”   Being casual with a relationship will definatly cause that “lovin feeling to wane.  To protect our relationships we need to remember that people are valuable and we should treat them with care.  We take care of our homes and our cars so why not our relationships?   Like Coach Walsh said, carelessness is always at the center of relationship problems.

(To be continued.)

Too Close for Comfort

We have all heard Aesop’s fable, “familiarity breeds contempt.”  I especially like the way French novelist George Sand puts it, “Admiration and familiarity are strangers.”  When we act in an over familiar manner in a relationship we fail to recognize the natural boundary lines that all people have.  When we become relationally presumptuous we violate the individual autonomy of those in our work, home and social lives.  We must resist our tendency to manipulate and control others.  These and other actions of over familiarity will set back our relationships and send people running for the hills for safety.

 

(To be continued.)

You’ve done Me Wrong

Google this title and you will see a list of the top 75 country songs about broken relationships.  Whether you like country, jazz or popular music you have heard hundreds of songs that describe being out of relationship.  Without exception these songs lack one common theme...an apology.  So what is the first thing we should do when we fail in a relationship?  We need to fess up, take responsibility and apologize immediately. Just do it!  Don’t wait as every minute will cause the damage we have caused to go deeper and deeper and will make the recovery more difficult.    

(To be continued.)

Great Expectations

One relationship killer is the unrealistic expectations we put on others.  Consider the kind of behavior we expect of others and then take a hard look at the way we sometimes act.  Other people are just like us.  They make mistakes and can be insensitive.  Their wrong actions hurt us and our’s hurt them.  But just like we want to be given a break by others when we blow it, we need to extend that same grace to them as well.  Most relationship fopas are not calculated but are just sloppy behavior.  Let’s agree to give people more room, be less sensitive and not expect perfection.   

(To be continued.)

How Can You Have More and Longer Lasting Relationships?

Humpty Dumpy Had a Great Fall

The other morning as I made breakfast one of the eggs didn’t make it from the refrigerator to the frying pan.  As it is with eggs, it didn’t bounce and come to rest intact but instead went everywhere on the kitchen floor.  Relationships are the same way – very fragile.  As we strive to make our relationships last, the first thing to come to grips with is that relationships are easily broken.  Like my egg, they lack resilience.

(To be continued.)

How You Can Avoid Fractured Relationships

I was watching an interview with Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson.  To my surprise, the subject was not football but relationship.  If you know the history of this owner of the Dallas Cowboys (Jones) and the coach who won two back-to-back Super Bowls for him, (Johnson) you may remember the sparks that often flew between these two strong personalities.  Eventually, Jones and Johnson were exchanging jabs at one another in the press.  Their relationship was in decline and finally they separated.  Their relationship had failed.

In the interview, Johnson spoke of a time when he discussed the situation with the legendary San Francisco 49er’s coach Bill Walsh.  In an attempt to provide perspective on their fracture, Walsh commented, “You got careless with your relationship.”

That simple yet profound statement caused me to reflect on my, too numerous, lost relationships.  People came to mind who I worked for, people that worked for me, people that I knew through church and community involvement all the way to the guy next store.  I realized that I was the culprit in some of the fractures, in others instances that the other person did the severing and in some cases I really couldn’t identify what had happened.  My reflection made me determined to make my existing and future relationships last the test of time.

(To be continued.)

Making Corn Plops and Pow Juice taught me several critical lessons about leadership, work and life.

Isn’t it amazing that a childhood game could teach so much?  I’m not sure if Dad had a full sense of his impact but we learned many powerful lessons:

• Attitude can Save your Life.
• Work can be Fun.
• Everyone should Know their Assignment.
• Teamwork gets Things done Fast and Efficiently.
• Correct, Don’t Condemn and be Sure to Complement.
• Great Leaders Stand with you Shoulder to Shoulder. 

Reflecting on Corn Plops and Pow Juice I realize that while Wheaties may be “The Breakfast of Champions” Corn Plops and Pow Juice is the true “breakfast of a championship organization and life.”

 

Great Leaders Stand with You Shoulder to Shoulder.

When I think of our imaginary enterprise the only picture that comes to mind is the three of us working together and Dad taking the lead.  We had good leadership. This was my first example of a leader standing shoulder to shoulder with those on their team.  Just like in sports (except for game-time) coaches are on the field with their players.  At game-time they are as close to their players as the rules will allow.  As leaders, that is how we need to be, standing shoulder to shoulder with those that we are responsible for.  

(To be continued.)

Correct, Don’t Condemn and be Sure to Complement.

I make mistakes; how about you?  Sometimes I don’t recognize my mistakes and I need someone to help me see them.  As fallible souls we need correction in our lives.  Good leadership will do this for us.  However, good leaders must correct immediately so that accumulated frustration doesn’t push them to condemn someone.  Condemnation can be very damaging and is difficult to repair.

Compliments are needed too.  Some studies recommend a 10 – 1 ratio of complements to correction.  If someone possessed a good quality, tell them.  If someone does a good job, tell them.  You can tell them and make it even more special with a hand written note.  If you have ever received one you know that this is a powerful way to affirm someone. 

(To be continued.)

Teamwork Gets Things done Fast and Efficiently.

As case after case of breakfast products rolled off our production line, even as a kid, I could see that the three of us working together was a lot more productive then if each of us was working alone.  I learned that there is a synergy and an excitement about what a corporate effort can produce.  Just like the sayings “Two heads are better then one.” and “A triple-braided rope is not easily broken.” our joint effort produced the best results.

(To be continued.)

Work can be Fun.

Making Corn Plops and Pow Juice was fun.  Dad saw to it.  Neither my brother nor I had the slightest sense that we were working.  A key job of leadership is to make the task fun.  How do you do this? Here are a few things that worked for me:

• Use humor by showing a funny related video segment.  
• Hold a contest of short duration, reward with a cheap, cheesy, unusual prize.
• Food always works.  Bring in a pastry, go out to lunch, have a pot luck.
• Consider participating in a sports league.  Older people doing physical things can be hysterical (although dangerous.)  People who work together, playing sports, is widely recognized for its team building characteristics.

Come up with your own “fun plan” and you’ll make your work-place even more enjoyable than making Corn Plops and Pow Juice.  

(To be continued.)

Attitude Can Save Your Life.

My father was the consummate positive thinker.  He knew, first-hand, the sick tendency of the human mind to dwell on the negative. He believed that, to counter that, and live life to the fullest, required a mental exertion in the opposite direction.  He also knew that the day would come when his sons would face difficulties and that our having a positive attitude would be a big key to moving through our disappointments successfully.

Probably, just like you, I wasn’t long into my life before I faced disappointment and failure.  As a child it was things like the loss of a loved pet, the death of a family and personal friend, and being hit by a car and spending a month-and-a-half in the hospital and healing.  As an adult, experiencing betrayal in business and personal relationships, death of family members, divorce and financial loss.  I give my dad a lot of the credit for my being able to walk through these experiences, generally, with a good attitude.  Once someone commented with amazement that I could joke about a terrible thing that I was going through.  My response was, “OK. But don’t you think that’s a lot better than killing myself?”

How can anyone start their day, with anything but a good attitude, after making thousands of cases of Corn Plops and Pow Juice?  (And it only took about ten minutes!)

(To be continued.)

Corn Plops and Pow Juice

When I was about seven years old and my brother was 14, we would often join my father in the morning in his bathroom while he was shaving.  You see, Dad had created a fantasy factory for us.  Our imaginary company made a delicious cereal called Corn Plops and an equally yummy breakfast drink called Pow Juice.  Each of us had our designated jobs. Dad was our team leader. Working together our production line produced breakfast products at a pace that seemed like the speed of light. Invariably problems would occur in our processes and we would make corrections.  We didn’t want to disappoint our customers.   As the youngest, sometimes things would get pretty intense for me.  After all, the game was totally in our imaginations.  If I missed an assignment Dad got me back on track.  There was never any condemnation and each shift concluded with the words “job well done.” 

(To be continued.)

“Is that your final answer?”

How You Can Have Effective Donor and Personal Relationships: “Is that your final answer?” (Conclusion)

There really is only one key to effective donor and personal relationships. Study and practice to become an accomplished listener.  If you do, it will be like music to their ears.

The right to be introduced to their friends.

How Can You Benefit from Becoming an Accomplished Listener?

Part 4.

Finally, becoming an accomplished listener earns the right to be introduced to their friends.  When a donor allows you entrance to their circle of friendships and associations you know you have truly been taken in as a trusted friend. Now, you have the opportunity to expand your donor base by becoming an accomplished listener to this new connection.  (To be continued.)

The privilege of access into their hopes and dreams.

How Can You Benefit from Becoming an Accomplished Listener?

Part 3.

Becoming an accomplished listener eventually affords us the privilege of access into their hopes and dreams.  This is a place where few are allowed to enter. Only trusted people get in.  Think about your own life and the handful of people who you have opened up to on this intimate level.  As accomplished listeners, it is here that we learn about the legacy they wish to leave.  Knowing how a donor wants to be remembered is very personal information and deserves our reverence.  (To be continued.)

Matching donor interests with organizational needs.

How Can You Benefit from Becoming an Accomplished Listener?

Part 2.

Becoming an accomplished listener helps us thrive at matching donor interests with organizational needs. Through deliberate listening, we understand how a person has lived their life so far which tends to be an indicator of how they will live life in the future.  We get to know their hobbies, family, team loyalties and foods they like.  We learn where they served or volunteered and why they invested there.  All of this information is critical to truly knowing their deepest motivations so that we can influence and direct their giving with integrity.  (To be continued.)

Discern what is truly valuable to donors.

How Can You Benefit from Becoming an Accomplished Listener?

Part 1.

Becoming an accomplished listener enables us to discern what is truly valuable to donors.  A few years ago, I was working for a graduate level educational institution.  I had had several meetings with a particular donor and at each meeting they inquired as to “how the students were doing.”  Sensing their interest in the well being of the students I suggested the possibility of establishing a scholarship fund.  The donor was delighted and excited that they could provide funds specifically for the tuition costs of deserving students.    (To be continued.)

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener? Review:

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

Review:

1. It’s not about you!  Put your agenda aside.

2. Come to the conversation intending to give - not to get.

3. Hear not just words but listen to the total message.

4. Give your undivided attention.

5. Look at the speaker directly.

6. “Listen” to their body language.

7. Show your attention by using your own body language. Sparingly nod, smile or use verbal comments like “yes” and “uh huh.”

8. Draw out the speaker by asking clarifying questions “What do you mean when you say…”? 

9. Reflect on what has been said by briefly summarizing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” 

10. Withhold judgment or opinion. (To be continued.)

Withhold judgment

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

10. Withhold judgment or opinion. (To be continued.)

Reflect

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

9. Reflect on what has been said by briefly summarizing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…”  (To be continued.)

Ask clarifying questions.

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

8. Draw out the speaker by asking clarifying questions “What do you mean when you say…”?  (To be continued.)

Show your attention ...

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

7. Show your attention by using your own body language. Sparingly nod, smile or use verbal comments like “yes” and “uh huh.” (To be continued.)

Body language.

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

6. “Listen” to their body language. (To be continued.)

Look at the speaker directly.

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

5. Look at the speaker directly. (To be continued.)

Undivided attention.

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

4. Give your undivided attention. (To be continued.)

Listen to the total message.

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

3. Hear not just words but listen to the total message. (To be continued.)

Give, Give, Give.

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

2. Come to the conversation intending to give - not to get. (To be continued.)

It’s not about you!

Do You Want to Become an Accomplished Listener?

1. It’s not about you!  Put your agenda aside. (To be continued.)

Listen 2. Listen 3. Listen Part 3.

How You Can Have Effective Donor and Personal Relationships: 1. Listen  2. Listen  3. Listen

Part 3.

Let’s face it though; most of us are lousy listeners.  The fact that we have two ears and one mouth is not evidenced by how we conduct ourselves.  Good listeners don’t come at it naturally – they learn it.  Just like an accomplished musician they study, practice, study and practice. (To be continued.)

Listen 2. Listen 3. Listen Part 2.

How You Can Have Effective Donor and Personal Relationships: 1. Listen  2. Listen  3. Listen

Part 2.

People that listen to us put their agenda aside thereby giving us an assurance that they are seeking our best interest.  We tend to feel safe with them and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. (To be continued.)

1. Listen 2. Listen 3. Listen (Part 1)

How You Can Have Effective Donor and Personal Relationships: 1. Listen  2. Listen  3. Listen

Part 1.

Someone once said to me, “George, you will only have a few truly close relationships in a lifetime.”  Years later I found that what they said was true.  Think about it…what have been the several best time-tested relationships you have had?  What common thread ran through them?  I suspect you will find that an underlying element was that the other person listened to you.  (To be continued.)

How Can You Excel at Communication? (REVIEW)

Ronald Reagan was not always effective and persuasive. Winston Churchill fainted the first time he addressed the House of Commons.  Just like you and me these 20^th century icons had to learn how to assure that their audience received their message.

How Can You Excel at Communication?  (REVIEW)
  1.  Know Your Audience.
  2.  Balance What You Have to Say with What They Want to Hear.

  3.  Use Simple Language.
  4.  Choose the Right Format.
  5.  Use Storytelling.
  6.  Share Personal Antidotes and Illustrations.

  7.  Begin Strongly.
  8.  End with Emotion.

  9.  Tell them, Tell them, Tell them.

10.  Make it Memorable. 

(Your most important job in life is communication.  However, most messages fail to achieve their intended objective.  People walk away from conversations, meetings dismiss and groups disperse, without being impacted by the message.  Your use of these principles will govern how well your message is received.  Follow them and achieve your desired result of - message received and understood.) 

How Can You Excel at Communication? Make it Memorable. (Part 2)

Ronald Reagan was not always effective and persuasive. Winston Churchill fainted the first time he addressed the House of Commons.  Just like you and me these 20^th century icons had to learn how to assure that their audience received their message.

How Can You Excel at Communication?    

Make it Memorable.  (Part 2)
Other visual devices are also effective in helping us communicate.  An often repeated statistic states that: people remember 40% of what they hear and see, 30% of what they see, 20% of what they hear, and only 10% of what they read. (To be continued.)

(Your most important job in life is communication.  However, most messages fail to achieve their intended objective.  People walk away from conversations, meetings dismiss and groups disperse, without being impacted by the message.  Your use of these principles will govern how well your message is received.  Follow them and achieve your desired result of - message received and understood.) 

How Can You Excel at Communication? Make it Memorable. (Part 1)

Ronald Reagan was not always effective and persuasive. Winston Churchill fainted the first time he addressed the House of Commons.  Just like you and me these 20^th century icons had to learn how to assure that their audience received their message.

How Can You Excel at Communication?    

Make it Memorable.  (Part 1)
One of the best ways to help people remember your message is through using a word picture.  Churchill did this when he described a communist world that lay behind an “iron curtain.” Hillary Clinton speculated about a “vast, right-wing conspiracy”.  President Bush spoke of an “axis of evil”.   Word pictures are effective because they grab and direct attention and lock thoughts into our memory.  A call to action can be greatly enhanced by the creative use of a word picture. (To be continued.)

(Your most important job in life is communication.  However, most messages fail to achieve their intended objective.  People walk away from conversations, meetings dismiss and groups disperse, without being impacted by the message.  Your use of these principles will govern how well your message is received.  Follow them and achieve your desired result of - message received and understood.) 

How Can You Excel at Communication? Tell them, Tell them, Tell them. (Part 2)

How Can You Excel at Communication?    

Tell them, Tell them, Tell them. (Part 2)
Preview the message.  Summarize what you have to say and why it is important.

Present the message: Give the body or details of your message.

Recap the message: Briefly repeat your message and restate its importance.

Repetition is critical to effective communication because, even though we have two ears, we still miss a lot. (To be continued.)

(Your most important job in life is communication.  However, most messages fail to achieve their intended objective.  People walk away from conversations, meetings dismiss and groups disperse, without being impacted by the message.  Your use of these principles will govern how well your message is received.  Follow them and achieve your desired result of - message received and understood.) 

How Can You Excel at Communication? Tell them, Tell them, Tell them. (Part 1)

Ronald Reagan was not always effective and persuasive. Winston Churchill fainted the first time he addressed the House of Commons.  Just like you and me these 20^th century icons had to learn how to assure that their audience received their message.

How Can You Excel at Communication?    

Tell them, Tell them, Tell them. (Part 1)
A savvy public speaker once shared with me his formula for effective communication.  He said, “Tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them you told them.”  (To be continued.)

(Your most important job in life is communication.  However, most messages fail to achieve their intended objective.  People walk away from conversations, meetings dismiss and groups disperse, without being impacted by the message.  Your use of these principles will govern how well your message is received.  Follow them and achieve your desired result of - message received and understood.) 

Ronald Reagan was not always effective and persuasive. Winston Churchill fainted the first time he addressed the House of Commons.  Just like you and me these 20^th century icons had to learn how to assure that their audience received their message.

How Can You Excel at Communication? End with Emotion.

Ronald Reagan was not always effective and persuasive. Winston Churchill fainted the first time he addressed the House of Commons.  Just like you and me these 20^th century icons had to learn how to assure that their audience received their message.

How Can You Excel at Communication?    

End with Emotion.

As you close your talk or write the last paragraph speak from your heart.  Tell them why this is so important to you.  Tell them why this is the right action and why you are committed to it no matter what it takes.  Let them know how you feel, why it is worth taking the risk and how things will be better.  Your passion and emotion will motivate your audience to action.   (To be continued.)

(Your most important job in life is communication.  However, most messages fail to achieve their intended objective.  People walk away from conversations, meetings dismiss and groups disperse, without being impacted by the message.  Your use of these principles will govern how well your message is received.  Follow them and achieve your desired result of - message received and understood.)