There are three components to delivering a good compliment:
1. Make it Personal.
Use the persons name when paying a compliment.  Someone’s name is the most personal thing about them.  It reinforces that they are individually being singled out for recognition.
2. Be Specific.
What did the person do that was good or important?  Tell them the action they took that caught your attention.
3. Share the Result.
What was the impact of what they did?  Be specific about the affect their performance had on you, others or the organization.

Here is an example: “Mary, I want to compliment you on the way you kept your cool with that difficult customer.  You hung in there with them and earned their confidence.” 

It is Lonely at the Top.

I have spent most of my life leading organizations and developing people.  I have loved my work, but as a “D” personality, who isn’t supposed to need compliments, I too have enjoyed an occasional compliment made by someone I work with.  I am not referring to one of those “kissing up” compliments someone makes in the presence of other coworkers that intimates something like, “See, the boss and I are really close.”  What has meant a lot to me, as a leader, is when someone I have guided has expressed appreciation because I showed confidence in them and helped them grow.  No supervisor receives a greater compliment then someone saying, “I would not be where I am today without your help.”   For me, that kind of a compliment is as good as it gets. It makes me feel like Mark Twain who said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Different Strokes for Different Folks.

The need to receive compliments has a lot to do with our personality.  When I coach people in the GPS curriculum, which helps people discover the next steps for their life, one of the first things they learn is what type of personality they have been given.  If you are familiar with the DISC personality profile, you know there are four distinct personality types.  “D” dominance, “I” influence, “S” steadiness and “C” contentiousness.  If someone is a “D” or “C” personality, they appreciate but do not need compliments.  They do well with or without them.  On the other hand, “I” and “S” personality types need compliments to feel good about themselves.  In their case it is also important to differentiate between the two personalities. This is important because an “I” who demonstrates enthusiasm, and is energetic and full of life likes to be complimented publicly.  On the other hand an “S” who is warm, relational, a team player, and hesitant to lead needs compliments, but prefers to receive them privately.
 

Aren’t You Going to Say Something Nice About Me?
 
A business associate used to humorously illustrate this point.  He would approach a coworker and pay them a sincere compliment and then would pause and not say anything for a moment.  Then he would look them in the eye and say, “Now aren’t you going to say something nice about me?”  Through his antics he made the point that we love to be complimented but most of us don’t return the favor.

The phrase “You look simply marvelous” was coined by comedian Billy Crystal who created the Saturday Night Live character named Fernando.  Fernando’s skewed philosophy of life was, “It’s better to look good than to feel good.”  Although misguided, Fernando knew the power of paying someone a compliment.

Do you find compliments to be plentiful or rare in your life?  Do you pay them?  Do you receive them?  Author, Roberto Rocha says, “Paying compliments has never been more strategically important than it is today.  Not because people expect them, but precisely because they don’t.  While everyone is wrapped up in their own performance, people hardly take the time to recognize others.”

It is possible for you to answer the question, “Who am I?”  By understanding your personality, passions and what experience has made you, you will be on your way to experiencing the exciting destiny awaiting you.  Personally, I found the help my Certified GPS Coach provided me to be critical in discovering my destiny.  Frankly, before I connected with him I was floundering.

Do you want to be able to answer the question, “Who am I?” and discover your destiny?  Join in one of our coach-led GPS studies.  Learn more at Kingmo.org or we can meet personally. E-mail me at ptggpg@gmail.com.

Directive:  To discover your destiny take the first step. Connect the dots with the help of a coach.

Once we look back we need to look inside.  I have found that deep within every human being are unique personalities, passions and experiences.  Shakespeare wrote, “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”  I believe he was right.  Discovering these qualities has a dynamic impact on being able to discover who we are as Jobs advised, “connect(ing) them (the dots) looking backwards,” so that we can then move forward in discovering what’s next.

The late founder and innovator of Apple computer thought he had a solution for answering the question, “Who am I?” In his quest to understand life and find the next thing Steve Jobs said, “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”  For Jobs, looking back preceded looking forward.

As a culture we are the first generation to have the opportunity to have what some have termed a “second half.”  For most of the last 2000 years the average life span was, depending on the time period, 20-40 years.  In the early 20th century (100 years ago) it was 31.  The average life span in the 1960’s was in the 60’s and today most of us will likely live long into our 80’s.  What an extraordinary opportunity lies before us!  The question is, what are we going to do with those extra 20 years?  We are or have been successful in our professions.  We are or have successfully raised our children.  What will we do with these bonus years that God has seen fit to give to our generation?

It was the philosopher Plato who penned one of the shortest verses ever written by a great thinker when he wrote two simple words, “Know thyself.”   So, to discover our destiny the first question we have to answer is “Who am I?”

The question, “Who and I?” may seem elementary or the statement of an amnesiac. We are all a product of our family heritage, educational background, work experience and spiritual experience.  However for many, we loose our identity on the road of “what we do” and “what others expect of us.”  We stop evaluating life; and end up just riding along instead of intentionally driving life in a planned direction.

The question of “Who am I?” is the most important question we will ever embrace.  I first wrestled with this question was when I was in my early 20’s.  I had some life experiences, gained a degree and had found favor in my profession.  However, at the same time, I had this nagging unanswered question as I struggled to understand what I had been put on this earth to do.  For sure I was young and idealistic, but I really believed that I had a specific roll to fill and I wanted to find it.

As I was in the midst of seeking answers to the question “Who am I?” I shared my frustration with an older gentlemen that I trusted. As I was describing my dilemma and the pulling of others to go in their direction he calmly said to me, “I want you to be the best George Gundlach you can be.”  I was stunned by his words.  The thought was both freeing and terrifying.  It was freeing to find someone without an agenda for me.  The terrifying part was wondering how I was to discover my purpose that was lodged somewhere deep within my DNA.  Now, having aged a bit, I find myself along with many others asking that question, “Who am I?” again.

Destiny! Destiny! No escaping that for me.  These memorable words were uttered by Dr. Frederick Frankenstein in Mel Brook’s hilarious comedy “Young Frankenstein.”  Unlike Dr. F., for most of us, there is a real possibility of missing our destiny.  Once we have succeeded in our professions or in raising our families many find themselves in a quandary to know “what’s next.”

I don’t know if you share my experience, but when I became a Christian, during the Jesus movement in the 1970’s, all I could think about was what God wanted me to do with my life.  I was overcome with a sense that I had a destiny.  I knew there was a plan, but what plan?  In those early years I meditated on the words of people like Albert Schweitzer who said, “I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”  I also found myself fascinated with verses from the bible that said, “…before you were born I set you apart” and “…we are…created…to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” All of this only confirmed my belief that I had a destiny.  The unanswered question was, “How would I discover it?”

Try it for six weeks, six days or six hours…but try it.  Add love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance to the list of behaviors that family, friends, coworkers and associates can expect from you. Expect more of yourself, not others.

But wait, their is someone I can train after all.  It is me!  Whether we are a business person, a parent, a minister, or a mate, there are some fundamentals of behavior that others ought to be able to expect from us.  There is a bonus benefit, too.  When we focus on how we treat others, we won’t have as much time to moan about how others are not living up to our expectations.   

Remember Paul?  No, not McCartney, but Saint Paul.  He had some great advice for what others could expect from us.  After talking about the less then marvelous behaviors most of us exude at one time or another, he challenged his audience to focus on nine dynamic qualities.  He told them to project love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance.

I was not prepared when she said, “Why do you keep expecting them to be different?”
I sat there speechless for a moment and then muttered, “Because I want them to be different.  My life would be better if they were.”  This wise friend made this comment to me when I was experiencing extreme difficulty in a relationship.  Later, as I replayed her comment over and over I kept landing on the word “expecting.”

The kind of “expecting” I was doing was the kind where I wanted to exert my influence in this problem person’s life and produce a different behavior.  You know, trying to control someone else – for good of course.  Oh, don’t act so innocent!  I know that you have done it too.

Beyond a young child, whose behavior can be formed if you start early enough, I sometimes feel that the only thing I can train to respond appropriatly is a dog (certainly not a cat).  That reminds me of the cartoon where the caption read, “To a dog you are a friend but to a cat you are staff.”  Yes, expecting different behavior from other people is like trying to train a cat. (Watch out for the claws!)

Treated Like a King, Lesson #7

Exceed their Expectations:

Exceeded their expectations in every way possible.

ü      Arrive early.

ü      Express concern.

ü      Focus on them before discussing their need.

ü      Look sharp. 

ü      Be competent and up to the task.

ü      Give great value at a fair price.

Treated Like a King, Lesson #6

Charge a Fair Price:

While providing premium service may be worth a premium price my advice is that you charge a little less.  This will create loyalty between you and the one you serve.

Treated Like a King, Lesson #5

Project Competence:

Make it obvious that you have carefully planned the time together.  Have every possible thing you will need at hand. 

Treated Like a King, Lesson #4

Look the Part:

How many times have you heard that the first impression is the only important impression?  A good and appropriate appearance is critical to a good relationship. 

Treated Like a King, Lesson #3

Treat People like Kings:

Start by doing something that is unexpected.  Pre-plan to have appetizers waiting at the restaurant table when you arrive with a client.  Bring a special coffee or treat to your next meeting.

Treated Like a King, Lesson #2

Be Timely:

You can give a customer an out-of-body experience by being punctual.

Treated Like a King, Lesson #1

Be Caring:

An unexpected “human touch” will take the edge off a frustrating situation.  It is funny (actually very sad), how we have become increasingly unfamiliar with kindness in our day.

It was Socrates who said, “The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.”

Peter Drucker once wrote, “The single most important thing to remember about any enterprise is that there are no results inside its walls. The results of an (organization) are (outside the walls) satisfied customers.” 

When establishing customer policies always put the customer first, and err on the side of service and speed.

Strive to maintain the highest level of expertise and knowledge in that area or specialty where you serve others.  

Respect the time of your customer.  Remember that they had a full day ahead of them before something like their water heart broke.

Have the right information, and all the information available to you when mediating a problem.

When you disappoint (and you eventually will), give something of value as restitution.

Be proactive with problems. Don’t let issues languish but deal with them quickly and decisively.

Don’t commit to a time-frame unless you and others who might be involved are certain you can meet it.

Never guarantee anything unless you are prepared to meet or exceed it every time.

The End of the Donnor Party

While the story of the Donnor Party is tragic, it is also full of examples of how our human tendencies can veer us off track and bring tragedy into our lives.  If Donnor had made it to California, I suspect his list of lessons learned would be similar to mine:

• Beware of easy gain.
• Don’t do anything that is important in a hurry.
• The shortest path between two points is rarely a straight line.
• Listen to cautions.
• Do your research.
• Protect your assets.
• Act with humility, admit error and accept adjustment.

 Next time you set out to take an important journey be aware of your tendencies to take your “Hastings Cutoff.” If you just took one…go back, NOW!

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

Act with humility, admit error and accept adjustment:  It takes courage and character to admit we are wrong.  Perhaps C.S. Lewis said it best when he wrote, “We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.”  Pride is the biggest culprit in our dogged bullheaded tendency not to adjust.  If the Donnor Party had only gone back and taken the road “most” traveled…if only.

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

Protect your assets:  Never risk anything unless you are prepared to loose 100% of it. Our travelers risked all of their possessions and family members.  In the end, they lost all of their possessions and most of their family members.  Before you begin anything important, always count all of the costs of the venture.  I know people who mortgaged their home to save their business and now live with relatives.  Men and women have lost their spouses and/or children by allowing themselves to be consumed by a profession.  Protect that which is irreplaceable and most valuable to you.

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

Do your research: P.T. Barnum is famous for his quote, “There is a sucker born every minute.”  While this is not a philosophy that one should base his life purpose on, it is true.  In P.T.’s time it was the snake oil salesman who preyed on the gullible.  Today, a quick look at the internet or TV reveals similar “easy solutions” to life’s problems.  Those heading for riches in California knew the trip was difficult even using the traditional Oregon Trail.  Too bad the Donnor Party didn’t first dig deeper and uncover that the shortcut had never been traversed with wagons.

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

Listen to cautions: Be careful not to miss wisdom because it is not what you want to hear.  George Donner had experts telling him that his plan was doomed before he set out.  Others, along the trail, confirmed his misguided path.  Thousands of years ago the richest and wisest man who had ever lived espoused the virtues of “having many advisors.”  In the end, we have to make our own decision, but advice that opposes our plans needs to be considered.

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

The shortest path between two points is rarely a straight line:  While this may not be true in geometry and track, it is true for everything else in life.  If you have lived long enough to look back on your progress from one point to another, you will quickly see that it is never a straight line.  The path to the next important thing isn’t completely under our control.  It is like the sailor who charts his course and waits and observes the telltales (little strips of cloth tied to the sale that give him an indication of where the next wind will come from).  Just like a sailboat tact’s, we too turn left, then right, on the way to our goal.

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

Don’t do anything important in a hurry:  Since my earliest years I have tried to do everything fast.  I remember my father praising me for how quickly I could get things done.  I have learned, however, that there can be a cost to being lightning fast.  That cost comes in overlooking something important and in diminished quality.  For Donner and his companions, those 400 miles saved actually prolonged the trip for the few that made it to California.  In their case, being in a hurry - in the end - delayed them.

Seven Lessons Learned from George Donner:

1. Beware of easy gain:  What I remember best about my Junior High School Social Science teacher, Mr. Sokol, was the phrase he uttered over and over again; “Something for nothing, you never get something for nothing.”  Daily he hammered that into our developing brains.  He taught us that nothing great comes easy and that a good result follows a good investment.  For the Donnor Party what looked easy ended up killing most of them.  Easy gain, no matter how temping, is best avoided.  The “tried and true” things in life are “true” because they have been “tried.”

The Worst Party Ever Attended

The Worst Party
Ever Attended
Do you think you have attended a bad party before?  What I am about to tell you will likely top your excruciating experience.   I was recently reminded of a story called the Donnor Party.  Unfortunately, it was the worst party anyone ever attended.  A more appropriate title would be the Donor Tragedy, a.k.a. “Starting with Bad Information, Failing to Heed Caution and Continuing to Make Bad Decision after Bad Decision.”  Before I tell you the powerful lessons the Donor Party teaches us let, me first recount the story.

Donner and his friends wanted to get rich.  Donor and his friends were also in a big hurry to get rich.  They set out from Springfield, Illinois on their way to California in 1846.  They had read that there was a shortcut that would shave 400 miles off their 2500 mile journey.  Sounds pretty good, don’t you think?  There was just one problem; they did not know that the route was untested.  As a matter of fact, it was conjured up in the mind of a man who stood to profit from people following it.  Assuming they were successful, people taking his route would end up where he had business interests in what is now modern day Sacramento, California.

As the journey progressed the group veered off the tested route and took the now infamous “Hastings Cutoff.”  They did so in the face of numerous clear cautions. First, the larger group that they initially traveled with opted to take the longer traditional route.  Second, a man traveling east, who had just taken the shortcut, told them that it was barely passable on foot and impossible with wagons.  Third, the route’s inventor, Hastings, did not show up to lead them as promised.  Still the Donnor Party pressed forward.

What resulted was horrific.  Most of the group never made it to California.  Many starved, froze, went insane and some resorting to sub-human behavior.  Women lost their husbands and families lost children.  Their sole possessions were confiscated by Indians.  Those that did make it were scarred for life from the experience and were shunned by those who knew their story. There is no evidence that a single survivor ever enjoyed the success they hoped for in their new life in California.

It is not unusual for people to start out with great hope and expectation to end in difficulty.  Some outcomes we cannot control.  Sometimes even with our best effort things don’t work out.  In most cases, however, if we use sound judgment and make the necessary adjustments along the way, we can reach our destination.  What is unique about the Donnor Party is that common sense and planning were replaced with delusion and euphoria.

Yes, the 21st century is a scary place.

Yes, the 21^st century is a scary place.  Like me, you may be going through hardship.  Perhaps it has lasted a long time and you are feeling weary.  Maybe you are scared just like the British were that the equivalent of an invading force is about to be unleashed on you.  Here is the plan:

• Be Courageous: Do the right thing no matter what.
• Be Cheerful: It will make you and others feel better.
• Be Resolute: Analyze, understand and define the matter and stand firm.

Like a lot of the things we worry about, the Germans never did invade England.  While they bombed her and terrorized the British with randomly aimed buzz bombs, the courage, cheerfulness and resolve of the British (and the fact that America took their side in the fight) brought them through.  It will do the same for you and me no matter what we may be facing.

Which politician’s position on how to fix our economy...

Here is an example.  Which politician’s position on how to fix our economy do you believe?  I would suggest you believe none of them.  If you want to become resolved on what it will take to put America back on a sound financial footing you will have to do some serious reading and analysis.  Once you do common threads will be revealed and you will achieve understanding.  At that point, you can define your belief and be resolved that you really know what needs to happen.  Then if someone challenges you, you will have the understanding and strength to stand resolved.

It is not good enough to take someone else’s word for it.

Being resolved results from analyzing something complex into a simpler form.  In doing so we remove confusion.  Resolution begins with analyzing, understanding and then defining our position.  It is not good enough to take someone else’s word for it.  To be resolved we must do the hard work of doing our own research and coming to our own conclusion.  Once we do this we own our belief and can hold our ground and not move from it. 

What is Your Resolution?

What is Your Resolution?

While the large posters hung throughout England, in the dark days of World War II all of Brittan was hanging on the resolve of Sir Winston Churchill.  Did you know that Churchill had to overcome many limitations, such as a serious speech impediment and an outright panic concerning public speaking?  Sounds like he had some resolving of his own to do.

I have been known to walk the halls singing ...

Just like you have to decide to be courageous you have to decide to be cheerful too.  Do you think my dad felt cheerful every morning that he sang that song?  Of course not!  But I have learned that cheerfulness is contagious.  At several places where I have been employed I have been known to walk the halls singing the song made famous by Fred Rodgers of “Mr. Rogers Neighborhood” that goes “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…” for the purpose of raising the spirit of my team.  They would at first look at me as if I was nuts but in a few moments their cheerful meters were pegging higher.

What is Your Cheerfulness?

What is Your Cheerfulness?

Early American author William Fender is credited with the quote “Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious”. 

(And now, another one of my childhood stories.)

When I was in the first grade our music teacher, Mrs. Holbrook, taught us some songs that we presented one night to our parents.  One song was called ”Good Morning Merry Sunshine”.  It went like this:

“Good morning merry sunshine, how did you wake so soon?  You scared the little stars away and shined away the moon.  I saw you to go to sleep last night before I ceased my playing.  How did you get way over there and where have you been staying?”

My father must have like the song because he proceeded to wake my brother and me up every morning for several years singing it at the top of his lungs.  While his early morning cheerfulness felt obnoxious at the time, it did teach a powerful lesson for starting the day with cheerfulness.

Your courage is your decision to do the right thing ...

Your courage is your decision to do the right thing regardless of the physical or moral cost.  You do this because of what you value in life. 

• If you value freedom then you will fight for it.
• If you value your family then you will protect them. 
• If you value justice then you will stand up for the falsely accused even if you are his or her only advocate.

When we are courageous we do the right thing regardless of the possible cost because we are led by our values.

The historical biblical account of Caleb and Joshua ...

The historical biblical account of Caleb and Joshua recounts their reconnaissance mission into the Promised Land.  They saw the same giants as the others who were with them but responded with courage.  Later, Joshua, as he was preparing to lead his army to fight these same giants, was repeatedly reminded to not be fearful but act with courage.

What is Your Courage?

What is Your Courage?

We have heard it stated repeatedly that courage is not the absence of fear.  Those in war are the first to admit that they feel fear when they acted with courage. 

Courage comes in two forms.  Physical courage includes things like the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Moral courage can be described as the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.  It is in these circumstances that courage enables us to stand firm. 

In Woody Allen’s latest film, “Midnight in Paris”...

In Woody Allen’s latest film, “Midnight in Paris” the protagonist, after magically going back to 1920’s Paris,  remarks that every generation desires to romantically go back to the past when they believe times were better and things were easier.  He concludes however, that people are made for the time they are in and must live it to the best. 

Since we cannot go back in time and retreat in these difficult days, what can we learn from the poster that rallied the British to demonstrate courage, cheerfulness and resolution?

The poster read: “Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution Will Bring Us Victory.”

In 1939 at the beginning of World War II the British government produced a series of posters intended to boost the morale of its demoralized citizens who were fearing a German invasion. They had good reason to fear as Adolph Hitler was invading one European nation after another. The first in this series of posters read: “Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution Will Bring Us Victory”.

I don’t need to tell you that today, 72 years later, we find ourselves IN similarly precarious times.  National debt, unemployment, terrorism, instability in the Middle-east and a chain of recent natural disasters have a majority of Americans with a similar sense of fearing.