Open mouth … insert foot.

Living Means Having to Say You are Sorry

Remember the movie, Love Story and the infamous line “Love means never having to say you’re sorry?”  Two years after that movie premiered, that dialogue was humorously repeated by Barbara Streisand, to its originator Ryan O’Neal in the comedy What’s Up, Doc.  Their conversation went like this:

O’Neal: “I’m sorry.”

Streisand: “But I thought love means never having to say that you are sorry?”

O’Neal: “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard!”

(To be continued.)

My experience is that living does mean having to say we are sorry.  Whether you open your mouth and insert your foot, stepped in it, blow it, blow up, are insensitive, say a dumb thing, make a careless mistake or are clueless; you need to apologize.   Fundamentally, an apology is needed when we bring damage, loss or offense to someone.  Whether their loss resembles hurt feelings or damage to something they own or are responsible for it is incumbent on you, as the offender, to lead and make it right.  The problem is that most people don’t do it enough in their professional and personal lives and often, when they do apologize, they do not do it the right way.

Dr. Gary Chapman, New York Times bestselling author of The Five Love Languages, in his resource The Five Languages of Apology in the Workplace has this to say: “Creating a positive emotional work environment enhances the productivity of employees.  Thus, a company that has the vision not only of apologizing to customers and clients but teaching employees how to apologize effectively to one another is the company that is most likely to succeed in accomplishing its financial objectives.”

How Can You Have More and Longer Lasting Relationships?

Join with me and let’s try to take better care with the people that are in our circle.  Whether it’s the coworker in the next office, the one’s who share our home, or the people we interact with in our community, let’s make it our mission to build lasting relationships.  We can if:

• We realize that relationships are fragile.
• We have realistic expectations.
• We apologize immediately.
• We avoid over familiarity.
• We value people.
• We invest our time and attention.
• We listen and feel.

When others are at their worst, we need to be at our best.  The reward will be very satisfying with more intact and lasting relationships.  By the way, there is some good news on the relationship front.  After years of separation the football team owner and the Head Coach mentioned at the beginning of this article are once again good friends who respect and admire each other.  There is hope!

I Feel Your Pain

Former President Bill Clinton was very effective with his “I feel your pain” word track during his bid for the presidency.  Many people were in economic distress at that time and they responded to his claim of empathy. 

Our first job with a hurting associate, friend or neighbor is not to solve their problem.  The job is instead to listen and feel.  But before we can show empathy we need to have enough intimacy to know what is going on in their lives.  Feeling someone’s pain means being in it with them.  The well known Bible verse on “love” states that real love “bears all things… (and) endures all things.”  Bearing and enduring are the heavy lifting of relationships.  Yes, it is hard work but it is well worth the effort. 

People in pain first and foremost need us to be a friend to them.  James Taylor penned the words to a song this way: “When you’re down and troubled - and you need a helping hand - and nothing, no nothing is going right - call my name and think of me - and soon I will be there to brighten up you’re your darkest hour.”  Cheesy? No, true.

(To be continued.)