The Respect / Contempt Continuum
Author Gary Thomas says, “Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude.” Our attitudes about everyone fall within the respect / contempt continuum. On one extreme there are those we revere and on the other there are those we distain. To better understand respect it is best to consider what contempt is all about and to consider the frequency we may be engaging in it.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
The Contempt Cocktail
Contempt focuses on weakness. To make a contempt cocktail go to the cupboard and take one part disgust and one part anger and mix them together. Disgust and anger are at the center of every contemptuous thought. How much of a problem do think contempt is in your relationships? Now, before you conclude that we never treat others with contempt, look with me at some thoughts, feelings, and actions, akin to contempt, that were eye opening when I considered them:
Contempt focuses on weakness. To make a contempt cocktail go to the cupboard and take one part disgust and one part anger and mix them together. Disgust and anger are at the center of every contemptuous thought. How much of a problem do think contempt is in your relationships? Now, before you conclude that we never treat others with contempt, look with me at some thoughts, feelings, and actions, akin to contempt, that were eye opening when I considered them:
- Passing judgment without all the facts
- Comparing ourselves to others
- Focusing on someone’s failings or defects
- Pointing out a persons lack of status
- Devaluing, or creating distance with another
- Speaking with sarcasm or being openly hostile
Thursday, September 29, 2016
The Discipline of Showing Respect
Being respectful of others does not come naturally. It is something that has to be taught. It was the Reverend Billy Graham who said, “A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.” In this regard I was fortunate to have been taught respect in my childhood. I remember on one occasion when I was protesting to my father about something my mother wanted me to do. In my frustration I referred to her as “she.” He made it crystal clear, right there and then, that I was never to refer to her as “she” but only as “mom” or “mother.” Throughout my childhood, he insisted that I open the car door for her, never precede her into a room and never begin eating until mom had raised her fork. His training really did teach me to be respectful of others.
Attitudes of respect that we fail to learn growing up at home come more harshly when we enter the real world. For some of us respect was taught to us by a teacher or coach, some learn it in the military and some from their first boss. No matter the teacher, respect has to be learned.
Being respectful of others does not come naturally. It is something that has to be taught. It was the Reverend Billy Graham who said, “A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.” In this regard I was fortunate to have been taught respect in my childhood. I remember on one occasion when I was protesting to my father about something my mother wanted me to do. In my frustration I referred to her as “she.” He made it crystal clear, right there and then, that I was never to refer to her as “she” but only as “mom” or “mother.” Throughout my childhood, he insisted that I open the car door for her, never precede her into a room and never begin eating until mom had raised her fork. His training really did teach me to be respectful of others.
Attitudes of respect that we fail to learn growing up at home come more harshly when we enter the real world. For some of us respect was taught to us by a teacher or coach, some learn it in the military and some from their first boss. No matter the teacher, respect has to be learned.
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