The Contempt Cocktail
Contempt focuses on weakness.  To make a contempt cocktail go to the cupboard and take one part disgust and one part anger and mix them together.  Disgust and anger are at the center of every contemptuous thought.  How much of a problem do think contempt is in your relationships?  Now, before you conclude that we never treat others with contempt, look with me at some thoughts, feelings, and actions, akin to contempt, that were eye opening when I considered them:

• Passing judgment without all the facts
• Comparing ourselves to others
• Focusing on someone’s failings or defects
• Pointing out a persons lack of status
• Devaluing, or creating distance with another
• Speaking with sarcasm or being openly hostile

Ok, so you probably agree with me that you and I have this problem, right?  So what do we do about it?

The Discipline of Showing Respect
Being respectful of others does not come naturally. It is something that has to be taught.  It was the Reverend Billy Graham who said, “A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.”  In this regard I was fortunate to have been taught respect in my childhood.  I remember on one occasion when I was protesting to my father about something my mother wanted me to do.  In my frustration  I referred to her as “she.” He made it crystal clear, right there and then, that I was never to refer to her as “she” but only as “mom” or “mother.”  Throughout my childhood, he insisted that I open the car door for her, never precede her into a room and never begin eating until mom had raised her fork. His training really did teach me to be respectful of others.

Attitudes of respect that we fail to learn growing up at home come more harshly when we enter the real world.  For some of us respect was taught to us by a teacher or coach, some learn it in the military and some from their first boss.  No matter the teacher, respect has to be learned.

What About Really Difficult People?

I use the term “really difficult” because, I hate to break it to you, most of us are “difficult” in some way or another.  Thankfully, most people do not fall into the “really difficult” category.  Unless we have some level of authority over a person, and can deal with their dysfunction directly, we are left with just a few options.  Here are my thoughts:

• Find at least one (hopefully more) redeeming quality and focus on it/them.
• Set boundaries such as limiting time spent together to only essential matters.
• Don’t expect them to ever be different. 
• Fight the natural inclination of feeling contempt.

How do you “Respect Yourself?” Do it by first demonstrating respect to those at your workplace, social settings and at home. Avoid the plague of contempt and exercise discipline by holding others in a place of honor. Remember that “respect not expressed is not respect.”

Directive: Avoid drinking the contempt cocktail (disgust plus anger).  Actively practice expressing respect.